Lately my mood has been changing every single day. One day I feel motivated to get my life back and the other day I just feel like crying and laying in bed all day, because everything seems useless.
The first few days when I started using the law of attraction I felt awesome. I started of so positive and felt so grateful for all the little things. I felt so high on life and I was dancing and singing all day. However three days later one little thing started to bother me and I just couldn’t get myself into a positive state again. Writing a gratitude list just felt like a waste of time, because I just didn’t feel anything at all. No joy, no happiness, just emptiness.
Yesterday was one of those days, I had been laying in bed for 3 hours, not doing or feeling anything. Negative thoughts about myself and life where popping into my head.
When I feel negative about myself I find it really hard to take care of myself, because in that moment I feel like I don’t deserve a better life. I had to go to ballet class that evening and the thought of having to go made me feel even worse. I love dancing, but looking at myself in the mirror for and entire hour is the worst thing for my self-esteem and mood. I am confronted with the person that has changed so much during the last few months. I know that these are all just thoughts and I am slowly learning to deal with these things, but in the moment I just feel like nothing can help me because I am so far down.
When you are on the bottom of the sea and someone throws a rope to you, you can choose to take it and climb up. However, if you feel like you don’t deserve it, you will never get up again.
Today I felt so much better already. I felt a lot more clear in my head, which made it so much easier to climb the rope and get above the water again. I have been working hard today to feel better, by taking it slow, not pushing myself and being ok with not finishing all my tasks today. Feeling guilty about things like that can already change my mood from 10 to 0.
I did have trouble taking these pictures though. Looking at pictures of myself always takes me back to that time. Looking at pictures of me at a time that I felt happy, puts me in a good mood and is really motivating. That is the reason that I haven’t posted a lot of pictures of myself on here lately, because I am just not feeling like myself. Looking back at pictures of me now just doesn’t motivate me. However, I hope that in a few months I can look back and think ‘That was then, but I am in a much better place now!’ Realising that everything will be ok in the end, seeing that life is full of ups and downs.
I want to make clear that this post is not ment to spread negativity. I purely want to show you that everyone has these kind of days or months and that it is ok. It happened and if we feel better again, we have to let it go and move forward. Everyone deals with ups and downs and that is fine. I wrote a poem about that a few days ago called ‘What If All We Had Was Happiness?’
I am super busy with my portfolio for a school I want to apply to, which needs to be finished on Sunday. So I am afraid that Saturday there won’t be a new blogpost up on my website. Next week when I don’t have to work on the assignment anymore, I am going to take the time to reflect on my blog and see what I want to do differently. I really want to change some things up, work more efficiently and create more of a personal style when it comes to photography and topics I write about.
I hope that you are all doing well and are having a beautiful and positive day!
I will talk to you soon.