I finally graduated from high school which is crazy. It means never opening that boring history book ever again, but also a new door to a different part in my life!
This week I got the results from my exams and I couldn’t be happier! While making my exams I was so worried, because everything seemed way more difficult than all the tests we practised at school. However, when I picked up my results at school I was so surprised.
I am so happy to close the door of this part of my life and open the door to the next one. This year I was constantly worrying about what I wanted to do next year. It is not just the study that will change, but my whole life can change by making this one decision. I really want to study something creative, but at all those schools only the best people get chosen. When I wasn’t picked at my 3 favourite schools, I had only two options left. Both options change my life in different ways, which was very hard to chose from.
One of the options would mean that I had to live on my own in Amsterdam assisting at film productions. As much as that fits with what I want to do later, this year I have got to know myself at a completely different level. It was very hard to finally make the decision that I am just not strong enough yet to go there, be extremely social and lose a lot of freedom. I always thought that living on my own would mean more freedom, but I realised that I was wrong. Yes, living on my own, having a space for myself is something I dream about a lot, because it gives me a lot of freedom. However, going to Amsterdam also comes with a lot of things that I am just not strong enough for and will only make me go mad.
This year I did a ton of new things, I really stepped out of my comfort zone, but it was hard extremely hard. These past week I really had a breakdown, which helped me to make a good choice. I made the decision to go and take smaller steps this year instead of throwing myself into the big ocean. So I choose to study photography in a city closer to my house, so I can live here at home and work a little longer on myself. This year I want to keep doing new things, I want to find myself and make myself stronger to try it again next year. Maybe next year is a better time, if not then I will wait. The study doesn’t take up as much time as the one in Amsterdam so I have time to work on more creative projects and it is great to combine with my blog!
Don’t get me wrong, I love studying photography too and I can’t wait to get started on great projects. While being away from my blog I had a few shoots with some people I know and I had so much fun. I loved everything about it and I definitely see myself doing that in the future too.
I am so happy that after all the worrying I finally made a decision, it truly put some peace in my head.